Darker than Black Mad Libs
by felinefemme
Summary: Yes, you, too, can be a part of the DtB universe! Just fill in the blanks and have yourself a merry time! Or as merry as you can with Hei & the gang as they harass, er, help find a very special noun from Kirihara!
1. Chapter 1

Title: "Darker than Black Mad Libs"

Author: felinefemme

Summary: A typical DtB story, done in the old "fill-in-the-blank" style.

Genre: Humor. LiXMisaki friendship. HeiXJanitor work hateship. Whichever :-3

Note: "Darker than Black" belongs to Studio BONES, while this story belongs to me, and the stuff in the blanks are ours. Makes sense, right? Right!

It was a _(weather)_ evening in _(city)_ as the silver-haired Doll reported, "The police have passed _(number)_ checkpoint. Hei, you have _(number)_ minutes." Her _(adjective)_ eyes stared into nothing, although her bare feet were in a/n _(noun)_.

The Black Reaper, swinging through the city like _(superhero)_, tersely replied, "Got it. _(cool catchphrase)_"

Huang, the _(adjective)_ _(noun)_, growled, "I can hear you guys, you know. Keep the chatter down, wouldja?" His _(adjective)_ face got even more _(adjective)_ as he looked around for the last member of their group. "Mao, where are you?"

"Meow," is the only reply, and they can only guess that the animal-bound contractor's in the company of regular people. After a few beats, they hear the _(adverb)_ human voice of the black cat, "I'm at the playground, right where you wanted me. Unless there's a change in plans?"

"No, no change," Huang replies, jamming his hands into his pockets. "See you all there in half an hour."

In the next moment, however, the _(adjective)_ Chief Misaki Kirihara and her team nearly run over a guy in a green jacket. "Watch it!" Kirihara yells, but her eyes widen when she sees it's a familiar figure. "Li?"

"Huh? Oh, you scared me," the _(adverb)_ Chinese student smiles, grabbing his _(noun)_ in relief. His wide eyes get wider when he sees all the flashing lights of the cop cars fill the area. "What's going on?"

"Have you seen anyone suspicious here?" Kirihara asks _(adverb)_, while Saito and Kono jump out of another car, their guns out.

"Nooo," the _(adjective)_ student shakes his head, his wide eyes getting wider. "I didn't notice anything until I was nearly run over."

"Sorry about that," the _(adjective)_ chief says, "I'm afraid you'll have to leave, then, there's been a murder reported, and it's not safe for you to be here."

"Oh, okay," he nods, _(harmless pose)_. "I hope you catch the bad guy."

Kirihara smiles a little. "We'll do our best," she says before turning to join the rest of her team in the investigation.

Once she's safely out of sight, his eyes go back to their normal size and his expression flattens, hunching his shoulders as he makes his way to the playground. His face doesn't change when he meets his teammates. "The Contractor read my moves, not my mind," he says in his flat voice. "That's not the same thing as psychic."

"You got him anyways, didn't you?" Huang doesn't apologize.

Hei doesn't bother to answer, _(pose)_. _(long descriptive paragraph about how cool Hei looks, etc.)_

"So, what's next?" Mao butts in. "A nice long siesta, I hope?"

"Yeah, right," the lone human of the group _(verb)_s. "Hei, starting this Friday, you're going to be working at the police station."

"What?" It's not often Hei's surprised, but this time he is.

Huang smiles a little. "You're gonna be doing your usual janitor thing, but the Syndicate wants to you to get your hands on the _(noun)_ that Chief Kirihara's holding on to."


	2. Chapter 2

Hei _(verb)_s. "Doesn't the Syndicate have moles in the police already?" he asks.

Huang nods. "Yeah, but more than a couple have been compromised. Hell, I can't even go in there, I'd be made as soon as I walked in the door. They figure it's best if someone from the outside did the job, quickly and quietly. You can do that much, right?" the _(adjective)_ man asks.

"Sure," the _(noun)_ agrees. Then he looks at the shortest member of the team. "Sorry, Mao," he says, not sounding sorry at all, "I don't think they allow pets there."

"You're such a _(noun)_," the cat grumbles. "Guess you'd better be mopping up a lot, or Yin's not going to be able to help there, either."

"So what exactly am I looking for?" Hei goes on. "There's lots of _(plural noun)_ there."

"Well, it's got _(noun)_, and it's _(adjective)_ and _(adjective)_, and it should have _(number)_ on it," Huang says. "I'm not sure why Kirihara has it, since it's supposed to be in the evidence room. Maybe she knows more than she should, and that's why she's holding on to it. You should probably find out what she knows about _(noun)_, too."

"Got it," Hei nods. "It's possible that the _(noun)_ isn't even at the police station, if that's the case."

Huang smiles _(adverb)_. "If it's not, they can go through her apartment. But the information the Syndicate's got says that it's in the station, just not where it's supposed to be."

"Fine," Hei says. "How much time do I have?"

"_(number)_," is the gruff reply.

"That _(time description)_? All right," the _(adjective)_ _(noun)_ says, not really caring one way or another. He was a Contractor, and one of the _(superlative adjective)_, so he could work in any condition, in any time frame. Already he was thinking of ways to search Kirihara's office, starting to walk away.

"Oh, and Hei?"

The Black Reaper turned around. "Yes?"

"Mao won't be bringing you the blueprints this time. It'll look too suspicious if you know your way around there as a newbie." Nobody's sure, but it looks like Huang is _(verb)_ing.

"Fine," Hei repeats flatly. Of course, as he leaves, his coat _(verb)_s, his _(adjective)_ hair _(verb)_s, and overall, he gives the impression of being _(adjective)_.

"_(curse)_," Huang mutters, "why does he always look so _(adjective)_?"

"Because he's the _(adjective)_ _(noun)_," Yin replies to the rhetorical question with her usual _(adjective)_ face. "And he's got _(adjective)_ _(noun)_, too."

"Where does she get that stuff from?" Huang asks, glaring at the cat.

If Mao could _(verb)_, he would. Instead, he _(verb)_s his tail. "Hell if I know," he says, his _(adjective)_ eyes down so Huang couldn't see them.

In the meantime, Hei wondered about this latest _(adjective)_ assignment. He's a _(noun)_, not a _(noun)_, but he's getting paid anyways. He's still not sure why the moles in the police station can't get to Kirihara's _(noun)_, but perhaps they're more rank and file than he thought. Certainly, Kirihara was a very _(adjective)_ woman, he couldn't see her _(verb)_ing the rules or _(verb)_ing to save herself. Then again, she was holding on to the _(noun)_ that the Syndicate thought was important, so there must be something up her sleeve. And if that was the case, it would be the first time she's acting like a/n _(adjective)_ cop, and that disappointed him, for some reason.

Then his stomach _(verb)_ed, and he sighed. His _(noun)_ would be the death of him, if nothing else was. It's a good thing the Syndicate's paying him, because otherwise, there'd be no way he could afford to feed himself. He picks up his pace, letting his _(noun)_ lead him home.


	3. Chapter 3

Friday night, Li Shengshun reported in at the police station, handing over his _(noun)_ with his name and number. He was sent to the office of Foreign Affairs Section 4, his _(adjective)_ eyes down as he passed through, and nobody noticed the _(noun)_. It looked like everyone was out for the night, even though the lights were on, so he pulled the _(noun)_ out of the _(noun)_ and started _(verb)_ing. The office was rather small, so he was almost finished when he bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry!" he says, automatically _(verb)_ing.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Kirihara says, stepping back. "I didn't realize you were _(verb)_ing here."

"Careful, the floor is wet," Li goes on, then _(verb)_s. "I mean, you already know that."

"Did you just start _(verb)_ing here?" the _(adjective)_ female chief asks.

He nods. "I guess sooner or later, I'd get a decent job," Li _(verb)_s.

He's such a _(adjective)_ guy, Kirihara thinks. "I'm sure you'll get a better paying job," she tries to encourage him, "if you study hard enough."

"That's true, isn't it?" Li smiles. "I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from _(verb)_ing."

She smiles back, going to her desk. "That's okay, everyone knows I'm a _(verb)_aholic. Keep doing what you're doing, I'll probably be here after you leave."

Li smiles weakly. "All right," he says, keeping his _(noun)_ a good distance away, making sure to _(verb)_ well while she's there. It isn't long until he's done, and he waves, "Take care, Ms. Kirihara!"

She waves back, "You, too!" Then she goes back to _(verb)_ing at her computer.

He closes the door behind him, and his eyes _(verb)_. "Yin, did you get all that?" he murmurs, his head down.

"Yes," her _(adjective)_ voice says in his ear. "I can't find the _(noun)_, however. I can't see if it's in her desk, or on her person."

"Guess you'll just have to get everything wet," Mao _(verb)_s in the earpiece.

Hei's mouth flattens, pushing his _(noun)_ down the hallway to the next door. Cameras were everywhere, as if they didn't trust their own people. They shouldn't, the _(noun)_ thinks, mopping up the next room. Like the Section 4 office, however, he takes careful note of his surroundings and checks for any _(noun)_s. He goes through that room, and the rest of the rooms on one side of the hallway before going through the rooms on the other side. When he's done, he notices the _(noun)_s of the Section 4 office is still on. She wasn't kidding, he thinks, she is a _(verb)_aholic.

He hits the service elevator button, sighing. Well, not bad for a first-day survey, he thinks, although it would've gone much faster if Mao had given him the _(noun)_ for the place. The doors slide open, and he walks through, his _(noun)_ down, lost in his thoughts.

"Hold the elevator!" a voice shouts from _(direction)_ him.

He turns, surprised. He wasn't expecting to see anyone from _(direction)_. "Sure," he says, pushing the "open" button.

Chief Kirihara smiles, then looks away. "Sorry, I'd use the regular elevator, but it's _(adjective)_," she says. "Thanks, Li."

"No problem," he nods. He's not sure how long the regular elevator will be _(adjective)_, but it should help. Considering he has _(number)_ days, a little extra information can't hurt.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been _(number)_ days since Hei started this assignment, and he's getting close to doing what Mao suggested earlier and spilling water all over the place. "Are you sure it's not at Kirihara's place?" he murmurs, bent over as he dusts under a desk.

"I've been _(direction)_ and _(direction)_ in that apartment, and there's no way she's got the _(noun)_ there," Mao mutters in his earpiece.

"Fine, fine," Hei sighs, "let me get this _(noun)_ out-"

"Oh my gosh!" a female voice says, "who's there?"

Hei puts his hands up and his Li face on. "Sorry, it's just me," he _(verb)_s. "Chief Kirihara, is something wrong?"

She shakes her head. "It's nothing," she says. "Say, have you seen my _(food)_? I thought I put it under my desk, but maybe you or some other janitor threw it away."

"You had _(food)_?" Li's eyebrows go up. He sniffs around, making Kirihara laugh.

"You're like a _(noun)_," she giggles, "don't worry, I guess it's gone if you can't find it."

"If I found it earlier, it WOULD have been gone," Li confesses, "I'm just glad I'm not the one who ate it."

"Why is that?" she asks, _(adjective)_.

"Because you're a _(noun)_," he says, _(adverb)_, "and I'd be in big trouble if I ate your _(food)_."

Now she laughs. "It's good to know someone respects _(plural noun)_ around here," she says. "Are you almost done?"

He nods. "Did you need to get back to work?" he asks, shoving the dust cloth into his _(noun)_.

She shakes her head, her _(noun)_ glinting. "No, I was going to grab my _(food)_ before I left work, but since it's not there any more, I'm out of luck."

"Hey, I know a great place," Li's eyes brighten, "it's called Home Run Restaurant."

"I think I know it," Kirihara nods, "the ramen shop, right?" Her eyes widen when his _(noun)_ growls. "I can't believe I forgot about your appetite." Then her own _(noun)_ growls, and she sighs. "Okay, let's go before this gets any more embarrassing."

Li smiles a little, following after her. "When are they going to fix the regular elevator at the station?" he wonders when they reach the restaurant.

She shakes her head. "I heard the usual company isn't in business anymore, so they've been looking for a new, reliable one," she sighs, but _(verb)_s when she smells the food. "Oh, this is like heaven," she says.

"Thanks for coming in," the owner greets them, then smiles at Li. "Hey, long time no see, _(noun)_."

Li smiles, embarrassed. "Haven't had money or time at the same time in a while," he says, "do you still serve _(noun)_?"

"Sure," Rika, the owner's daughter, chimes in, "how many?"

"_(number)_," "_(number)_," Li and Kirihara say at the same time. "Oh boy," Li sighs.

"Good thing Dad's a fast cook," the young waitress smiles, "why don't you two have a seat?"

There's no shortage of seats, since the place is, as usual, pretty empty. Li takes a seat near the kitchen, less to torture his stomach and more to keep an eye on whoever comes through the door. "Do you make it a habit to leave food at your desk?" he asks.

"Sometimes," Kirihara admits, looking down. "Usually I get to it before the end of the day, but if you didn't find it, one of the _(plural noun)_ might have gotten to it."

The transfer student blinks, then nods. "Well, if you leave food at your desk, I promise not to touch it, even if my _(noun)_ is growling," he says.

She laughs. "Hey, if you're hungry, help yourself," she says, "just make sure you replace it before you leave or I'll get _(adjective)_."

Li's eyes widen, and he nods. "Got it," he says. "Replace your food, or you get _(adjective)_. Right."

"Hey, I'm not the only one," she grumbles, "I've heard how loud your _(noun)_ gets."

"Your _(noun)_ was totally loud," he retorts, "it's not just me."

"Not as loud as yours," she sticks her nose up and manages to keep it there until her _(noun)_ growls again. This time, however, they both can hear it over the owner _(verb)_ing loudly in the kitchen. She looks _(adjective)_ for a moment, then laughs loudly. "Fine, we're both loud," she says, and smiles when the waitress comes with their orders.

"Just in time," Li says, "I think my _(noun)_ was going to echo yours."

"I'm sorry," Rika says, "there's more bowls coming for you, Mr. Li."

He waves his hands, embarrassed. "It's okay, this is a great start." He's thankful that the police chief doesn't say anything about his _(number)_ bowls, because she's got quite a bit herself, and digs into his meal.

And for the rest of the meal they spend it in a peaceable, if not entirely quiet, _(noun)_.


	5. Chapter 5

Hei is no closer to finding Kirihara's _(noun)_ than he was at the start of this assignment. "Maybe she's wearing it," he mused aloud at the park earlier that day.

"She's a woman, women don't wear the same thing twice," Mao retorted.

"And you would know because you're a _(noun)_," Hei stared off into the distance. "Maybe she's sneakier than we give her credit for. It's possible she knows exactly what the _(noun)_ is, and hid it someplace."

"There's not a sneaky bone in that woman's body," Huang countered, "she's so in-your-face I'm surprised she's not a TV reporter."

"TV reporters don't get to carry _(plural noun)_," Hei shook his head, "I've never seen anyone outside the Syndicate so attached to their _(noun)_."

"You just find her _(noun)_, forget everything else," the so-called supervisor said and walked off.

So now Hei's back at the police station, at his wit's end. He's gone through her desk, finding the usual office supplies, as well as _(plural noun)_. But he hasn't found the _(noun)_, and that's starting to drive him crazy. It's looking more and more likely that someone else might have the _(noun)_, and he's just wasting his time.

Sullenly, he pushes the mop around, attacking imaginary messes as if they were _(noun)_. So absorbed is he in his attack that he doesn't realize he's not alone, and swings his _(noun)_ into someone. "I'm sorry!" he gasps when he realizes where he is and what he's doing.

Kirihara wipes her _(adjective)_ forehead, squinting up at him. "I shouldn't have stood so close," she says, still sitting where she landed. "Where are my glasses?"

Li looks around, smiling in relief that they didn't break when he finds them on the ground about _(number)_ feet away. "Here," he says, handing them over. "I'm so sorry," he apologizes again.

"Me, too," she says, "I didn't realize the _(noun)_ was this wet." She takes the hand Li offers and slowly gets to her feet. "Ugh, I'll have to change. Guess I'll have to take the service elevator to get my spare set of clothes in the car." She makes a face before _(verb)_ing.

"Wait, you can take my clothes!" Li says, unbuttoning the top of his uniform.

"What?" Kirihara's eyes nearly widen past her glasses. "Li, please don't-"

But he's already out of his uniform, his usual _(noun)_ and _(noun)_ underneath. "Here," he says, "it's big for you, but at least it's dry. And I can hang your clothes when you're done with them, it's the least I can do."

She stares at him, then laughs, taking his uniform before taking off her jacket. "That's all right," she says, "I've got a dryer at home. Lucky for you my work clothes don't need to be dry cleaned, or you would have to _(verb)_." As his eyes widen, she laughs again, handing him her jacket. "Thanks, Li. I'll be back."

Li's relieved face vanishes when she's gone, replaced by Hei's _(adjective)_ one. Where the hell is it? he wonders. Kirihara's the last one who had the _(noun)_, and he sighs, _(verb)_ing the damp jacket on her chair. Then something lands on the floor, and he automatically traces it by movement rather than recognition. His eyes widen when he sees what it is, and he grabs it quickly, drying it off. The _(noun)_! She DID have it all along!

Then he notices a tear on her jacket, and figures that's how she never noticed. She probably thought the _(noun)_ was eye-catching but innocent, and might've picked it up and stuffed it into a pocket without thinking twice. Dammit. Well, at least he's got it, and shoves it quickly into his own secure pocket without the cameras noticing. Then he picks up the jacket again and tilts his head.

"Li? What are you - oh, no," she sighs when she sees the tear.

He turns around with Li's face back on, apologetic. "I'm sorry, this must've happened when I knocked you over," he says, trying to put the torn flap back in place but failing. "I can _(verb)_ it for you," he says.

She shakes her head, looking like a child playing dress up in their father's clothes wearing his janitor's uniform. "No, I can take care of it," she sighs again. Then she smiles a little, handing a large _(noun)_ over to him. "You know, you shouldn't be so quick to hand your clothes over," she says, "I could've used these to walk into any _(noun)_."

Li blushes. "Thanks," he says, taking them back. "I could've gotten into big trouble if I lost them."

"Well, time to get my spare clothes," she says, "I just wanted to return your _(noun)_ before I forgot."

"Thanks," he says again, "and I'd better dry off the _(noun)_ before I get into more trouble."

"You do that," she nods briskly before leaving.

When she's gone, he wrings out the _(noun)_ in the _(noun)_, and as he does so, Hei reports, "I've got the _(noun)_."

"Where the hell was it?" Mao _(verb)_s in his ear.

"Tell you later," he says tersely, and goes about cleaning up the mess he made. Sometimes messes are good things, he thinks, otherwise he never would've found the _(noun)_. He doesn't smile, but instead _(verb)_s as he goes through the office.

It's only when he hears gunshots that he drops his _(noun)_ and runs out the door.


	6. Chapter 6

EPILOGUE

"The new janitors were running a smuggling ring under our _(noun)_s? I don't believe it," Huang grumbles.

"Not ours, the police's," Hei corrects him at the park the next day, sitting hunched over on the _(noun)_. "It was a perfect cover. If the only elevator working was the biggest one, the service, nobody would think twice if the janitors were hauling their _(plural noun)_ around. Kirihara just happened to be in my uniform, and since it fit so badly, they thought she was part of their operation."

"And busted them," Mao finishes. "Funny how she missed the big _(noun)_ but got the small fry."

"You would've missed it, too, if you weren't looking for it," Hei says. "Where's Yin?"

"At the tobacco store," Huang answers, "she's busy _(verb)_ing with that pink-haired girl." And he makes a face.

"Maybe they want a kitty to play with," Hei gives his comrade a sidelong look.

The black cat looks alarmed. "No, thanks," he says quickly, getting to his feet, "I'll check in on what the Syndicate's next move is."

Huang shakes his head as Mao leaves. "Hei, you get more and more _(adjective)_ every day," he mutters, adjusting his cap before he takes his leave. "I'll never understand you Contractors."

And I'll never understand _(plural noun)_, He thinks, leaning back to stare up at the trees. But it doesn't matter. He got the _(noun)_ from Kirihara, that job's done, and he doesn't have to go grocery shopping for a while thanks to his recent pay. Then he almost _(verb)_s but doesn't, as he remembers the other thing he took from her jacket. She won't notice her _(noun)_ is missing, he thinks, closing his eyes, she never noticed it before.

And he takes a long, leisurely _(noun)_ in the middle of the day, his _(adjective)_ hair lightly blowing in the wind, lying on his _(adjective)_ jacket and not caring if the breeze blows his _(noun)_ open. After all, he's got his _(adjective)_ _(noun)_ to show off, and it's his own time now.

THE _(NOUN)_


End file.
